


UpdateGate

by ShanaRHager



Category: Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Conspiracy, Conspiracy Theories, Gen, Parody, Post-Update Fic, The Truth is Out There
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-05
Updated: 2016-06-05
Packaged: 2018-07-12 12:47:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7104079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShanaRHager/pseuds/ShanaRHager
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At long last, the sinister plot behind update patch 1.1.1 is exposed!</p>
            </blockquote>





	UpdateGate

**Conspiracy theory (n): a belief that some covert but influential organization is responsible for a circumstance or event**

**\--from Google Search**

**Watergate (1974): a politically motivated break-in at the Watergate Hotel; linked to President Nixon and led to his resignation**

**Deflategate (2015): speculation that the NFL game balls had been deflated**

**Donutgate (2015): in which pop star Ariana Grande licked donuts and said that she “hated America”**

**Tigergate (2010): allegations of marital infidelity against golfer Tiger Woods**

**Gamergate (2014): accusations of sexism in video games, online harassment, breaches of journalistic ethics and political correctness regarding video games**

**\--from Wikipedia**

**“Down throw knockback has been altered (75 base/30 growth→ 55 base/83 growth).  The new knockback scaling removes Luigi’s most notable follow-ups, particularly outside medium [percentages].”**

**\--from SmashWiki**

            Update patch 1.1.1 was released sometime in September 2015.  Along with it came some new features, including the Super Mario Maker stage, as well as buffs and nerfs to all of the fighters.  This patch received a warm welcome at first—until some of the Smashers discovered the heavy nerfs which severely hindered their strategies.  Among them was Luigi’s down throw.

            Let’s talk about Luigi’s down throw.

            The move involves Luigi hurling a hapless opponent to the ground and forcefully sitting on them.  This is called a “Ground Pound” and has been used in many Mario games.  Prior to patch 1.1.1, it was a fertile combo starter, most famously combo-ing into a string of karate chops.  This gave Luigi quite a competitive edge, as he could combo opponents for days if he wanted to.  As his ability to read air dodges and DIs improved, he could grab and repeat the down throw to set up a new combo.  At high percentages, some of his fierce combos led to guaranteed KOs.  Luigi had grown quite fond of his new down throw and spent much of his down time practicing his combos.  It led to a significant improvement of his stats, an outstanding win-loss record and greater respect among his peers.

            But when patch 1.1.1 rolled around, Luigi was dismayed to find that one of his handy combat tools had been nerfed.

            At first, people made fun of him for it.  The heavyweights and those who’d tasted those combos of his taunted and mocked him, and then they spread the word to their buddies, who also joined in the tormenting.  They all got their revenge on him by bending the rules and nearly beating him to a pulp during their matches against him.  They sarcastically asked him what he was going to do now without his precious combos.  And it was open season for him all over social media, with posts about how Luigi had “been knocked down from his little pedestal” and that it would certainly be the end of his high standing in the tournament.  But hardly a fortnight later, Luigi came roaring back, proving them all wrong and envisioning new combo, some of them true and others viable.  He experimented first on a Sandbag and then on someone picking on him before applying them in succeeding matches.  He’d fiercely practiced late into the night, polishing off tweaked combos.  His stats decreased, but not by much, due to his tenacity.

            Still, patch 1.1.1 achieved notoriety among Luigi fan clubs in the Smash universe.  It has been dubbed “the Triple One Massacre”, since it did away with the man in green’s most cherished combos.  They also believe that Luigi was unjustly nerfed.

            And maybe they’re right.

            You think that the nerf on Luigi’s down throw was a coincidence?  I don’t.

            Come closer, and I’ll tell you a secret.  Patch 1.1.1 was a _conspiracy_.

            Think I’m joking, don’t you?  You think I’m cuckoo in the head, don’t you?  But this is no trick.  This is no scam.  This is the hard-core truth.

            The following paragraphs contain all of the juicy facts I’ve discovered, facts and secrets that Sakurai and Co. and the Luigi haters don’t want you to know.  I submit for your inspection one of the most covert operations in the history of Smash…

            …UpdateGate.

 

            Once upon a time, Luigi was an obscure character in the Mario universe.  He was a sidekick, a lackey, Player Two, unimportant.  The Toads of the Mushroom Kingdom couldn’t even remember his name.  He was just Mario’s little brother, forever doomed to remain in his shadow.  At least he gained some prominence in the kart races and sporting events frequently held, but he longed for the moment when he’d be singled out for his heroics.

            Even the enemies didn’t respect him.  Koopa had a nickname for him.  “Green ’Stache”.  He was type-cast into the role of the wimp, the coward, the wannabe.  Just as he was about to break free, they always found ways to kick him back.

            In 1999, Luigi was accepted alongside Mario into the Smash Bros tournament.  He thought this would be his big chance.  But, nay.  The tier list proclaimed him the worst fighter, spawning teasing and bullying, both online and in person.  To this day, Luigi believes that the tier list was a way to prevent the Smashers from getting too friendly with each other.  But that’s a conspiracy for another time.

            By 2001, Luigi’s small but growing fan base had begun to speak up.  And despite being last, Luigi fought his hardest and scored some crucial victories in the tournament.  A month before the second tournament, Melee, Mario was ambushed and imprisoned in a painting, courtesy of King Boo.  It was now Luigi’s turn to be the hero.  The kicker?  He had phasmophobia.  But when the legendary paranormal researcher E. Gadd entrusted him with the Poltergust 3000, Luigi found the strength to confront his fears, battle the King of all Boos and rescue Mario.

            However, the following year, his solo adventure was all but smothered by Mario titles.  And though Mario and his friends praised Luigi for risking everything for him, the majority of people treated the adventure like a joke.  Stormy entries in Luigi’s diary reveal that he was sometimes left out of Mario’s adventures.  That changed starting in 2003, when the Bros teamed up to defeat such menaces as Cackletta, the Dark Star X, Fawful, and Antasma.  Individuals such as the Star Gate pointed out Luigi’s loyalty and unexpected grace under pressure, which caused his popularity to skyrocket, along with his continued performances in tennis, golf, kart racing—and even dancing.  Luigi was arguably the best dancer around and won the Mario Mix dance contest once.

            But it still didn’t seem to be enough.  Luigi still felt left out, overshadowed and envious of Mario.  That darker side of him reared its ugly head in 2007, when a band of villains brainwashed him, and again during the third tournament in 2008, where a vessel called a Smash Ball unlocked his hidden power.  For the man in green, the results were devastating.  Whenever he got one of those things, he left chaos in his wake.  But it also garnered the adoration of fighters and spectators alike.

            Flash-forward to 2013, Luigi’s 30th birthday.  Nintendo celebrated with the Year of Luigi, in which the green-clad plumber received the fame he richly deserved.  He rescued Princesses by himself, became a doctor, conquered or tamed his phasmophobia, adopted a ghost dog and saved the day in a dreamy adventure.  Consequently, his confidence, self-esteem and self-worth increased.  With those doubts and insecurities no longer plaguing him, his first hidden power stopped working and was replaced by a newer, slightly better, one.

            The fourth Smash tournament launched in 2014, but not before the Year of Luigi came to an end.  That proved to be the last straw for the man in green, and at a kart race that summer, he debuted a merciless and relentless side of him which haunted everyone’s dreams for a long time.  His fearsome racing prowess and his now-famous Death Stare is forever seared into the memories of those who witnessed and participated in that kart race.  And many gamers saw a preview of what was to come at a combo exhibition later that year.

            By the fall of 2015, Luigi had become a tour de force in the new Smash tournament.  This was due to his greatly improved playstyle (as compared to 1999) and his brand new down throw.  On the battlefield, he was merciless, especially when matched up against people he didn’t really like.  In spite of his strong attacks and excellent combo game, he never boasted, maintaining his quiet humility, perhaps remembering that he wasn’t always this awesome.  Luigi’s fan clubs had gained plenty of clout over the years, unabashed in professing their support for the lean, green fighting machine.

            Now, the Luigi haters had observed this quite closely, and to say that they weren’t pleased at what they saw is putting it lightly.  They envied the fact that he was achieving as much fame as Mario.  They despised the fact that he was now regarded as one of the best fighters in Smash.  In their eyes, Luigi had overstepped his boundaries and didn’t “stay in his place” as the Eternal Understudy.  The last thing they wanted was for Luigi to feel good about himself—and for people to treat him like an actual hero.  So, they decided to do something about it.

            Luckily for them, they had helpers on the inside, Smashers (I won’t name names, but they know who they are) who’d grown quite irate of being trapped in one down throw combo after the other.  Subtly, they began to feed the idea to Luigi’s enemies.  His down throw was among the strongest asset to his arsenal, an almost clear-cut path to victory.  That didn’t sit well with the haters.  They needed to remind him of what he was.  To that end, some Smash-related misfortune would be heaped onto his shoulders.  The handy-dandy little tool that was his down throw would be taken from him entirely, along with the combo set-ups associated with it.  Luigi had become headstrong, his own person, ready to confront anything, but they would destroy all of that.  And the best part was that he wouldn’t see it coming.

            Anonymously, they began writing and e-mailing Master Hand, complaining about how “broken” Luigi’s game was.  Somehow, they managed to convince him that Luigi’s down throw was “overpowered” and that he’d been given too much of a competitive edge over the rest of the fighters, just like Meta Knight in 2008.  There have been speculations of secret meetings between these complainants, some Smashers and Master Hand, in which replays of Luigi’s matches were shown and then distorted enough to make it look like Luigi was too strong.  Also behind the scenes, a petition to restrict the use of Luigi’s down throw was circulated, but didn’t get enough signatures.

            Meanwhile, fully convinced that there was an anomaly in Luigi’s fighting style, sent word to Sakurai and his team.  They promised that they’d “take care of everything”.  Luigi’s enemies also appealed to their gaming lord and savior, Daddy Sakurai, to put an end to the “terror” casting its shadow on this wonderful tournament.  Sakurai told them not to worry; something would be done.

            And it was.  Under the guise of an update, Sakurai and his team “fixed” Luigi’s down throw so that its combo versatility was close to zip.  They only included changes for the other fighters as well as the inclusion of new stages to hide the evidence.  You know the rest.

            Still don’t believe me?  There are chat transcripts, recorded conversations, classified documents and more tracing patch 1.1.1 to Luigi’s tormentors.  Did I mention that they celebrated the so-called “update” with a no-expenses-spared party?  I just so happen to possess receipts of certain purchases which occurred on the day the “patch” was released.  The secret stash I’ve spent nearly a year amassing is enough to blow this scheme sky high like the Fourth of July.

            So, there you have it.  The stunning truth behind patch 1.1.1 and why it targeted Luigi’s down throw.  Handle this information carefully, and make sure it doesn’t fall into the wrong hands.  Oh, and when you get the chance, show all of this to Luigi.  After nine months of this, he deserves to know.

            That’ll give those haters something to think about.


End file.
